Δ

i was talking to my friend about how i was scared that the ”real world” old people are talking about is starting to bite me. i said that i know that i have to change my old ways because i’m supposed to act like an ”adult” now because im no longer a ”kid” anymore. then i thought…

people do change but people can’t change. you know what they taught you in chemistry? how chemicals change by heating them, melting them or freezing them? yeah something like that. well, that’s kinda also how it works with humans. we cannot just change. based from my own experience, and i have my journal to prove it, i’ve said countless of times that i will change. but after a couple of days, weeks, i just unconsciously go back to my old ways. i don’t think we have the ability to really change. HOWEVER, the events that we go through is what changes us. it is only when we are faced with those events can ourselves be really changed. we cannot change BUT we can adapt, we can grow, we can develop. we change but we cannot change.

everyone knows that crossing a road especially in a green light is very, very dangerous, but we do it - i do it. however, if ever i was hit by a car, a bus or even a bike, i know for sure that i wont be crossing alone even with a red light.

we are all just play-dohs. just a clay. and life is the hand that molds us.

Happy April Fool’s Day.

VII

“They think I’m in love with you.”

The words I uttered were accompanied with uncertainty. Honesty, I scarcely believe it when I heard it came out from my mouth. Maybe that’s the reason why I wasn’t surprised when I heard his laugh.

“You serious? That’s Absurd. That can’t be - we can’t be.” He said, letting out another loud laugh.

“You know what,” I said, “I think it may be true.”

Compared to my first words, what came out from my mouth felt more than just sounds. It is as if my internal organs found their way out of my system - and his expression showed the same thing. It’s the first time we actually talked since circumstances separate our roads, or in other words, since he left me - us; or rather, what we had.

“Uh,” he uttered, “I…”

We stand there with a bolt from the blue. It’s as if we were struck by lightning at full force. He was hit maybe on the head for kept on moving it; as if looking for a rewind button, but I, based from the feelings I got, seemed to have been hit on my chest - where they say our hearts were placed.

“B-but h-how?” he finally said, “We were like brothers, right?”

“I saidI think,you idiot. And besides, don’t you know what day it is today? You’re a moron.”

“Oh! It’s April fool’s day! I knew it wouldn’t be true! You’re a dyke remember? Hahahahahaha!”

“No, I’m not a dyke, but yes, Happy April Fool’s day, you gay.”

I lied, but my heart didn’t. Its beating makes me want to run a scalpel throught it so it can just go out.

It was April fool’s and the joke was on me, the real joke. The joke that made me say those words.

It’s funny how I fell in love with the feeling of our hands, holding each other’s. when yours weren’t even there to hold mine. It’s funny how I fell in love with your voice when I can no longer hear you speak. It’s funny how I fell in love with your eyes when you no longer use them to look at me. It’s funny how I fell in love with you, or maybe with the thought of being with you, when you weren’t actually around. And it’s even funnier how I fell in love with the person that wasn’t even there, the person that wasn’t even with me.

I guess it wasn’t April fool’s day and they weren’t joking when they said, “You’ll never know what you have ‘til it’s gone.”

Bang.

He’s a model. An HRM student. A basketball pla — Ooops! Wrong person. That’s not the main guy of my today’s (3:24 am) post. But he kinda looks like him, right? :))

Anywhooo, This is my friend/seatmate Salvador Angelo Panelo IV. I failed to make him a birthday post on his birthday last Jan. 1, so here it goes. Bawi bawi din. Haha.


First of all, I have a confession to make. Dundundundunnnnn. On our first year in College, I was excited to meet new people, especially guys. Because in my previous school, sa kasamaang palad e salat kami sa lalaki :)) I remember when I first walked in sa block ko. Sa CAL1. Tongene. Kakaunti lang din ang lalaki. Napatanong pa nga ako “Lord, baket? Bakeeeeeet?” So anyway, nalungkot ako sa block ko (landi. leche. Haha) Then after a few weeks with them, unti unti ko silang kinikilala. One time, yung seatmate ko (Hi Julia!) may pinapaabot sakin na paper. Sabi niya abot ko raw kay Angelo. Syempre, ako etong magaling na mag iisang buwan na sa block ko e hindi ko pa rin kilala kung sino ang sino. So yung utak ko, “Leche, sino ba si Angelo. Matutulog pako e.” Pero diko nga siya kilala, so binasa ko yung papel. Tapos bigla nadilat yung mata ko. It was a short story, as far as I can remember, it was about agirl and a boy and a rain and… Okay, I can’t remember. Haha! And as a lover of words, I fell in like (with the story, okay? Haha). Then ayon, nakita ko na si Angelo. I always see him sitting and just being quite. For a few days, I observed him (stalked, hoy angelo dati pa to a! :)) ) then nalaman ko, he likes reading and writing pala. And he’s quite a… vain. Haha! Tapos after “observing” him and becoming friends with him (I think through Aynna) I said… “Sige, eto nalang crush ko”. YIKEEEE! :)))) 

So anyway, for a few months naging crush ko ‘tong taong ‘to na laging sinasabihan ng prof ng “Oh, are you related to Atty. Panelo?” Etong taong ‘to na “rich kid”. Etong taong ‘to na We: “Oy hawakan niyo si Panelo. Baka maligaw sa MRT.” Angelo: “Oy grabe naman kayo. Nakasakay na naman ako ng train…. sa Amsterdam.”… 

After a few years, here we are, di ko na siya crush pero mas maganda yung tingin ko sa kanya ngayon. He’s one of the most responsible and determined guy I’ve ever met. Basta may iatas sa kanya, siguradong bibigay niya lahat. He’s also one of the vainest people I’ve seen :)) Pero ays lang, keri niya. Cutie raw e ;) And last but not the least, he’s one of the people who believes in me, in what I can do. And I honestly, truly, genuinely thank you for that. You don’t know how much your “encouraging words” mean to me. He’s actually the first person who complimented my writing… sa talaarawan. HAHA! 

He really loves taking photos and having his picture taken. He loves to explore new things… except courting a girl. HAHAHA! He’s the first rich dude na nakilala ko ng ubod ng kuripot. Pero sabi ko dati, “ay eto yung taong hindi mo madadala kung saan saan. Rich kid e.” But boy, he proved me wrong. Mapa sa high class, middle class, lower class… Restaurant, fast food o sa carinderia - ayos na ayos. He’s the oldest in our block but I think, he’s the youngest… young at heart e. Ayos.

Pag may lakad kayo then may magsasabi, uy gusto ko ng souvenir. Gusto ko ng picture… Wag ka mag alala, sagot ni Panelo yan! Hahahaha! 

Basta pag ikaw naging Doctor na o Lawyer man, Photographer or Blogger, wag mo kalimutan yung taong lagi mong kakurutan sa World Lit class dahil ayaw mag recite. Okay ba? Haha!

DORAEMON! :))

Doraemon/Bang,

Belated/ advance Happy Birthday my friend! HAPPY FEBRUARY 22! HAHAHAHA! Luffsyew! >:D< *secret handshake*

*Maybe someday you will really rule teh world :)*

(c) Angelo Panelo

First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.

Okaaaaaaaaaay. This is not a rant about Valentine’s Day. I actually do not hate Valentine’s Day. I love seeing people be all lovey dovey. So sweeet! <3 So this is a post about my life ATM…

For the past months, I’ve been trying to avoid drama. I feel like I’ve had too much of it last 2011. For quite some time, I think I’ve done a pretty good job avoiding it. However, I think drama loves me sooo much, he just can’t leave me alone. And so, for the past weeks, here we go again…

I don’t feel like pouring it all here. So instead, I’ll just state what I learned this week. Hmm. I WEEP. Take note, not cry. WEEP. And yeap, it helps a lot. Last Friday, I had a fight with my brother. A huge one. And after that, I found myself weeping… for hours and hours and hours. But after that, I felt like a huge lump was taken from my chest. And then I realized that I had, once again, created a whirlpool of drama. Usually, in times like this, I would wait for the “right moment” to move that stirring wheel. But this time, it’s different. All I need is a new morning. And then I shall say to myself, ALL IS WELL. ALL SHALL BE WELL…

Part II

We’ve been giving each other Feedback for our class in OD. It was nice. I never thought I’ll receive those heart warming words from my friends. A little pick me up. Good vibes, keep ‘em coming! :D

013112

Good way to end January! :D So because my tongue longs for that bitter taste, I did the honor of initiating a session. Jejeje. So we had a couple of bottles buckets at Hanagob (?), this new inuman/kainan in front of my dorm. Mika (welcome baaack! Haha), Rose, Kay, Dre, Bea, Pit followed, and Kay’s friend, Carl.

At around 11 I called Dre and I said that I would go to their dorm because we’re going out. I got there and Juene is also drunk. So we waited for Bea and I said that we’re going to MOA.

We’re supposed to experience MOA’s eyeunfortunately when we got there, they decided to close it :|Sooooo, we’re standing there, with this kind of face… just imagine us =))

Eeeee nagmakaawa pa si Andre, but no. Soooo, while Andre and Juene were arguing, Bea decided to pose. HAHAHA!

After thinking of other places where we could have fun, we decided to just stay there. Naglakadlakad, naghahanap ng tatambayan. We noticed there were no cars on the other side of the lane… we decided to lay there! Amaaaazing! :)) We were laying there when we saw this cop and we got scared so we ran. HAHA! Muntanga lang!

So we were on the big empty parking lot, and viola! Next stop namin. Dun namin kami humiga at nag star gazing instead. We sang “Yellow by Coldplay”. And sakto, nung pag stop ko ng video, we saw this bright yellow light. It was the Mall’s guards! :)) So, takot naman kami. Kaya ang sabi namin napagsaraduhan kami ng MOA’s Eye at galing pa kaming Antipolo :)) The guard was riding in a tricycle, yung pang ronda. Tapos sabi niya ipapasyal nalang raw niya kami. We were there screaming as if we were riding the roller coaster! Amaaaazing! :)) Pero isang ikot lang pala kami sa parking lot :))

So after non, naglakad lakad nalang ulit kami. Then pumasok sa empty mall which is awesooooome \m./

After all our walks, tumambay kami near sa Padi’s kasi malakas ang music. sabi ni Bea mag bar raw kami. E muka nga kaming mga naka high na mga pulube! :)) So nag “party party” kami sa gilid ng kalsada, tapat ng Padi’s, at tabi ng mga taxi driver. Yeap. Ganon kami nakakahiya. Alcohol really helped. :))

I can say that that was an amazing night. Ang gaan lang. We were laughing genuinely and just having fun. That night was amazing for me more than I can express. Thanks pink sisters! <3 

BFFFFF!

Everybody wants to feel special. Ako, ever since, sobrang malaking bagay na sakin kapag pinapansin ako ng tao. When I was a child, ako yung tipong laging nasa bahay. Sa birthday party, ako yung hinahatak ng kung sinong matanda para lang pumunta sa lamesa at kumuha ng ispageti. Yes, I’ve been through that “I’m insvisible” phase. Kaya kahit hanggang ngayon, malaking bagay na sakin ang napapansin. Minsan nga kahit texts lang ng mga tao ng “Ancel”, sinasave ko na e. K, ako na korni :))

So yeah, this is another post about my friend. Birthday ulit e. Haha. Start naaa…

John Kevin Moises Afunay. Dati napapagpalit ko sila ni Juego. At pag sisinasabing Afunay, yung unang pumapasok sa isip ko e yung DP niya dati sa YM. Yung nakatalikod siya at may backpack. Lagi din siyang online. Kahit madaling araw na. At isang madaling araw ng October — October 4, 2009 to be exact, naisipan kong iPM siya. Magtatanong lang naman ako ng Assignment sa SA non. Pero we ended up talking for hours. Hanggang umaga, actually. And there. Ayon sakanya, 

jk_afunay: kasi ikaw p lng kinwentuhan ko ng seryoso sa P2 bukod kay guy at juego ah

jk_afunay: wrong term

jk_afunay: ndi seryoso

me_cel26: ayiiee. BFF na tayo

me_cel26: :))

jk_afunay: ung tipong mahaba haba at konting sense

jk_afunay: sa buhay ko

The reason kung bakit, yon ang intro ko is because nakita ko sa files ko yung conversation namin. Nung nag college kasi ako, yung mga una kong mga nakausap, naka save sa desktop ko. ;)

jk_afunay: alam mo ba

me_cel26: hindi pa

me_cel26: ikaw alam mo na?

jk_afunay: ndi pa rin

me_cel26: HAHAHA

jk_afunay: arrggh

jk_afunay: galit ako sayu!

jk_afunay: alam mo kung bakit?

me_cel26: hala bakit?

me_cel26: hindi

me_cel26: :(

jk_afunay: gusto ko “hindi pa”

jk_afunay: bilis

me_cel26: hindi pa

me_cel26: bilis

me_cel26: :D

jk_afunay: ahahaha

jk_afunay: uyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

jk_afunay: buuuuuuuuuummmmm

me_cel26: ha?

jk_afunay: ano mga hilig mo?

me_cel26: hmmm.

jk_afunay: dito na kita kukulitin!

me_cel26: hilig kong tumunganga

jk_afunay: ndi mo kasi ako kinakausap sa klasrum eh

me_cel26: kinakausap kaya kita

me_cel26: @-)

me_cel26: nag sasabi ako ng

me_cel26: “hi”

jk_afunay: nako wala pang 1 minute!

me_cel26: o sige, sa lunes

me_cel26: dadaldalin kita

jk_afunay: eh shy ako

me_cel26: hanggang mainis ka

jk_afunay: sa tuesday n lng

me_cel26: o sige

me_cel26: mga 11

Puno ng prinsipyo, magulo utak, weirdo, makasarili minsan, mabuting tao, pero hindi mabait, sadista, mahilig sa pizza, nakatira rin siya sa bartolina, teacher’s favorite, lalo na ni Sir B, maarte sa sarili, ayaw ng Rabbit.

Ang naging similarity lang namin non e ang hindi pagkakaron ng “favorites”. 

Siya pala to. Kaya halos wala na rin ako masasabi sa post na’to. Basta alam ko, masaya siya ngayon sa kanyan bagong accessory ;) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BFFFFF! Sana madadagan ang ating F. Haha! AYLABYOOOOO >:D< 

U-SCOOP! <3

jk_afunay: nakakatuwa nman

me_cel26: bakit?

jk_afunay: sna maging close din tayu

me_cel26: haha

me_cel26: close na nga tayo e

me_cel26: we’re BFF

Don.

I studied at La Consolacion from Kinder to Highshcool. Kaya nung Graduation, I didn’t worry na wala akong makukuhang medal. I got a Loyalty award yo! :)) And amazingly, I wasn’t the only one. I think batch namin ang isa sa may pinakamaraming loyalty award. One person who shared the same fate as mine is my friend and birthday celebrant (well actually 2 days ago pa. haha!) Camille Dawn Fabula Fabrero.

Dawn, Gudon, Koro. We became close I think nung first year kami. Seatmate ko siya at ang perst lab niyang si Hums. <3 :)) I don’t like the way our Math teacher teaches us that time (I like Math!) and so, Algeb became a pain in my ass. Pero nung nakatabi ko si Dawn, tinuturuan (pinapakopya) niya ako sa Assignments. And so, naging close kami. Nung first year, 4 kaming magkakasama parati. And it’s all because of Harry Potter :D

Once you have her as your friend, para ka na ring nagkaron ng isa pang nanay. She’s that caring. I don’t think papasa ang buong batch sa Algeb, Trigo, Physics, Chem at Geom ng hindi humihingi sa kanya ng tulong (kopya). 

2nd year and 3rd year. Mas naging close kami. Hinatak ko siya sa Courier and ayon sakanya, ako rin ang nanghatak sakanya sa mga lakad na naging sanhi ng pagiging game niya na lagi. Ang saraaaaaaaap niyang asarin! Soooobra. Kaya favorite rin siyang asarin ng batch. Pero ang suki na mang trip sa kanya ay kami ni Charie. At ang dabest na nagawa namin so far, is noong 3rd yr. Mahabang kwento e. Summarize natin.

Cha at Ako tinawagan si Dawn at sinabing hindi na ako papasok ever —> Umiyak siya —? Umabsent kami ng Exam —> Hindi nakareview si Dawn —> Sabi namin joke lang and so magttake kami ng special exam —> Inis na inis na inis na inis si Dawn and umiyak uli siya at sinabing “hindi ko kayo tutulungan sa Exam. Manigas kayo” —> Sabi ng batch dahil malakas ang trip namin ni Cha ay wag kaming tulungan sa kung anong inexam nila —> Nauto ko si Dawn at nakakuha ng leakage —> Pasadong pasado kami ni Cha at may nahalos ma perfect na Exam, thanks Dawn! —> Dahil sa ginawa namin ni Cha ay bumaksak si Dawn sa Exams

P.S. Naniwala si Capati nung sinabi naming kaya kami umabsent e dahil magpapakamatay kami. Benta talaga.

 

Caring, matalino, masipag and with a golden voice. Naging officer siya sa CAT, Editor-in-Chief ng school paper and at the same time, Honor student. Galing no? Pero soooobrang matatakutin siya. As in gumawa ka lang ng mumu voice, tititigan ka niya, hahampasin, at maglalakad ng mabilis. Siya si Dawn. Pero ang isa pang nakakabilib sakanya ay ang family niya. Sikat ang Fabrero sa school. Dahil 6 silang magkakapatid at halos lahat sakanila ay Honor. Halos every year rin e may grumagraduate sakanila. Amazing.

Everyday kami dati naguusap, everyday telebabad, siya nagaayos ng damit ko pag mag COCC na, siya taga sabi ng reviewers, taga pakopya ng assignments, masarap ang lasagna nila (HEAVEN) at masarap mag overnight sa bahay nila. Literal. Masarap dahil sa dami lagi ng pagkain.

Dawn, sobrang tagal na nating friends. And simula nung hindi tayo naging classmate e mejo nag drift apart tayo. However, nung nagpunta ka sa UST and nagkwentuhan tayo, naramdaman ko ulit si Dawn. And I actually got more than that. You gave me a chance magpakilala ulit and you also showed me a part of yourself na hindi namin nakikita. My highschool life would be sooooooo much different and boring if you didn’t become a part of it. I am so proud of what you’ve already accomplished and I know na someday, not a single soul na kilala mo ang hindi magsasabi na “Proud ako sayo.” Whether ikaw ay isang future designer, future dancer, future writer, future reporter, future lawyer or future wife ni tatang, I would like to say na kagaya nung Christmas gift mo sakin nung elementary tayo, “Friends Forever” :)

Happy Birthday and Ilooooooooveyouuuuu! >:D<

KORO! KORO! KORO! HUMILITY AND EDWIN FOREVER! <3

Honey

It started before Christmas vacation, 1st year. Our Professor asked us to make a Christmas card and have everyone signed it. My friend Stace wrote “Ancel Baby Ko! :D” and Kim said “inggit ako, ako rin!” And so, she wrote

“Honey ko! :)

Merry Christmas! Wag na iyak ah? Dito lang ako. Ingat ka. Mahal kita. Honey ko! -Kim :)”

*Wala yung USB ng cam ko, diko mapicturan yung card! :|

Nagdrama ata kasi ako nung sa Corregidor? :)) After niyan, nagkatext na kami. And nagulat lang naman ako sa pagiging open niya. We were texting and she’s asking for advice. Syempre, field ko yon kaya todo bigay ako ng advice. Then bigla niyang sabi “Pero girl siya ah. Haha.” Girl pala yung sinasabi niyang partner. E di syempre ako tong si gulat. :))

After non, we’ve had a share of stories. Naging close kami. Pero dahil mabait pa siya DATI, hindi siya kasama sa bonding with most of my friends. Ang inuman. Kaya lagi lang kami nagkkwentuhan. Pero ang highlight ng friendship namin ay 3rd year 1st sem A.Y. 2011-2012.

DUNDUNDUNDUNNNN….

Hindi lang isang beses kami nagkaalitan. Not twice. Not trice. Mejo maraming beses na rin yon. I can say that she’s one of the people who turned my world upside down. Yung tipong isa sa mga taong malaki ang nacontribute sa kung sino si Ancel ngayon. Salamin kami e. Like what I said before, I don’t know how and why will I be thankful sa lahat ng naging away namin. After nga lahat nang nangyari, I thought never na magiging magkaibigan ulit kami. Pero syempre, including Nika, we build a better friendship. From bitter to better. Kaming tatlo (Nika) angmasasabi kong drama queens :)) Wag kayong sasali sa usapan namin kapag kamikami magkakasama. Malulugmok kayo. :))

She’s one of the strongest person I know. Kung sa tingin niyo, worth it na iyakan yang problema niyo, ay, kausapin niyo to at tanungin kung ano mga pinagdaan niya. Baka sa susunod pag nagkaproblema kayo, imbis na umiyak, magcelebrate pa kayo. Haha.

Kim, “Pinsan”, Honey, thank you for being one of the persons who messed up my 2011. Dahil kung hindi dahil don, I will not have better feet to help me stand. Thank you sa mga away kasi magagandang lessons yung dala non. Sana dumami pa ang minions mo. Tip ko lang din, next time wag ka na magdorm. Sayang bayad. Transient ka lang naman don e. Thank you at natuto ka ng sumamama inuman. Space cake. Atttttt…. laging tandaan na ang isang araw ay may 24 hours ;D

Halos lahat na nasabi ko sayo. Kaya more inuman at chill days, more landi to you more problema and more biglaan days to come! :D Happy Birthday! Looooveyouuuuu! »:D«

Kups.

Sooo. Where do I start? Hm. Thing is, I like talking about my friends. And since Christmas has just passed, I’m going to talk about one of the most beautiful thing (yeap, di sila tao. HAHA!) an Almighty has given me. I’m thankful for my friends. And this thing right here is one of them.

Born December 26, 1992, Marie Kay Anne Patricio is the younge- OOOP. This is not an Autobiography. Haha! I don’t know her before College. Kaya ikwento ko nalang yung nagkakilala kami.

May nag Gm non. Nasa fx ako pauwi. Diko naman kilala. Tapos sabi niya siya daw si Kay. Nangasar pa siya samin ni Tatang kaya natext ko siyang “Kupal”. And so Kups was born. (FYI, diko naman talaga alam ibigsabihin ng Kupal e :(.. So yun na nga, nagGm pa siya. Tapos sabi niya sakin diko pa raw siya nakakausap. Sabi ko, “Sige pag pasok mag hi ako sayo, with matching hello pa :D” Problem is, diko kilala kung sino siya. Akala ko pa nga ang pronunciation ng name niya e literal na KAY. As in bangKAY.

So the next day, nagtatago ako sa mga kaklase ko. Problema ko yun e. Pangalan at muka. I think 2nd sem ko na natugma kung sino ba ang sino. Naalala ko pa nung 1st day, nakailang tanong ako sa seatmate ko ng pangalan niya. Akala ko kasi iba ibang tao siya e. Sorry Aynna :)) So anyyyy, ayon. Habang nagpapaxerox, may lumapit sakin. Sabi, “hoy akala ko babatiin moko?” Yes! Sa wakas at natapos nako sa panghula. Siya pala si Kay. At ang pronunciation ng name niya ay “K.”

Blahblahblahblahfastforwardblahblah.

Diko na alam pano kami naging close. Siguro dahil madalas e kami ang late? Ewan. Pero ang pinaka di ko makakalimutang memory ko sa kanya ay noong isang Wednesday ng August last 2010. Paggising ko kasi ng umaga e ang sakit ng katawan ko from football training. Nagiisip ako umabsent ng first class, at dahil alam kong pareha kami ng landas nitong bisexual humanoid nato e tinext ko siya. Sabay sabi ng “Wag nalang tayo mag first class. Punta tayong Trinoma.” Dahil isa talaga siyang huwarang estudyante aba’y pumayag agad. Nalaman nila Julia at Abby. Dahil mabait sila, sumama rin sila. So from Trinoma, nag SM Manila kami. Nanood ako ng popcorn, este nanood kami ng Ghost House at sabing “Chem nalang tayo pumasok.” Haaay. Matrapik talaga sa Maynila. Ayon, mejo nallate na kami. Malungkot ang mga muka, pero ang kalooblooban ay nagtatalon sa tuwa. Nasa tapat na kami ng UST ng nag flip coin kami. Heads = Pasok, Tails = Pasok… sa Balay. Eka nga ni Afu, “Aw, sad story.” Tails.

Balay. Alam na. Diko na ikwento. Baka ma inspire pa kayo.

Blahblahblahfastforwardulitblahblah

Madalas siyang kasama sa inuman, bar at basta lakwatsa. Favorite rin siya ni Sir B. Sa tingin ko rin, isa ako sa mga nakakakumbinsi dito ng biglaang overnight e. At basta, feel ko mas naging close kami nung araw na may inistatus siya sa YM. *wink*

She knows a lot of things about. She knows my secrets, my past, the good, the bad. I would love to talk about more about our friendship but this is her birthday so I’ll just talk about her in general. She is one great friend. She’s the kind of friend you’ll love to have when you’re down. She’s not that expressive with her feelings and prefer to just make you laugh that’s why when she expresses care or concern for you, you would know that it’s really sincere.

“Kahit gano pa nila sabihin na darating sila, mahirap pa rin magantay no.”


Kups, thank you for making us laugh. Thank you for breaking the awkward silence in between classes. Thank you for texting me that day because then I wouldn’t have met one person that would find me when I’m lost. Literally. (that time when you talked to my HS friends on my whereabouts. HAHAHAHA!) Ayoko masyadong madrama. Basta isa lang naman pinaulit ulit ko sayo. You’re precious, too fragile, too big for anybody’s hand. And every boy is just waiting for their turn to be a man to deserve you <3

Iloveyou Kups! Pakyooooo! Inooooooman naaaa! May kasalanan ako sayo. 

Pero dimo alam yon. Sorry :)

Oops! Happy Birthday pala! :)) »:D« :* <3 Here’s to more inuman days :) (ATM ay lumalandi po siya guys. Just saying ;))

SO FAR, SO GOOD.

Yesterday, I got the last stock of Harry Potter Film Wizardry <3 Best-gift-no-one-has-given-me. I had a date with Jumie but we saw Dong, Allen and Loye while we were at Happy Lemon (dammit they still dont have my Oreo Cookies ‘n Cream :| )

I also bought a gift for my Kuya. And eff, I don’t know how to give it to him without the awkward turtleee.

Then, without plans, we tag along to Ayala Triangle. Ohmay. That was the definition of Christmas, I must say. The lighttttssssss. Ayala, please do that again next time. I’ll bring my future boyfriend there :”> <3

(c) Loye Clamor

And theeeen, at 3am, I got a drunk call. From my Mom :| Eh, what a way to start Christmas. *tear* But yeah, we had a talk. I love you Mami :’) After that, I attended the last simbang gabi. Puto bumbong and Bibingka! With Lugaw! Then, sleeeeeeep! And I woke up and found the house empty. Oh well, there’s suman on ze table. Me lovey :”>

Merry Christmas Everyone! :)

Perfectly untouched.

V

“I’m sleepy.” you said

Your head on my shoulder. Your breathing filled my ear. That sound of calmness, that sound of peace… losing that might be one’s fear.

I closed my eyes, trying to join you in that place. Then these flashbacks came crawling as I imagine your face…

You and I share the same shadow, but different in its form. You and I have the same language but utter different words. You and I share the same sight, but different views.

We’re different, and in that, we’re the same.

“You know, I could have loved you.” my mind is playing that broken record. Again and again and again.

We were full of what-could-have-beens… full of I-should-haves… full of what-ifs.

That song we’re hearing, “we could have had it all…”, why didn’t we?

That’s a question I can answer. What we have is too special. Too special to end, too special to touch. And everything that’s been touched soon fades. You’re one regret I choose not to relieve. You’re one regret I choose not to regret. I say, let me love you silently… let your love for me be a mystery. 

…and now, we’re here at the stop. It’s time for me to get off. 

“Here.” I said. It was 3 seconds. I stood up and said good bye.

And then I stood there thinking another I-should-have, another what-if. I should have hugged you and held your hand, what if I kissed you?

I sighed then smiled. No, ‘twas perfect. I’d like to believe that moment was and still is. No more, no less. I don’t want to put my finger on it. ‘twas perfectly sculpted. Perfectly made.Perfectly untouched.

:’)

“You’d be better if you…”

Last Friday, we had our Group Dynamics class. Oh Lord, I’m still wondering how can I get through it. Fck. I wish you’d just transform my chubby cheeks into chubby confidence. Huhu. So anyyyy, Kim’s group prepared an activity for us.

  • group the class into two groups (redundant lalala)
  • make two circles
  • first groups is the outer circle, blinfolded
  • inner group hold the hands of the person in front of them
  • complete the sentence “i dont like it when you….” then every after whistle, inner group turn clockwise
  • ‘twas but hard, i only said two statements. alternate para di halata
  • then after that, we changed roles
  • we = blinfolded, them = not. we = steady, them = turning. we = listening, them = “youd be better if you…”

I didnt expect that each one would say not meaningless statements. I felt bad. Hoho. I mean even the ones I rarely spoke to, didnt make tipid tipid to their statements. I was really touched :”>

To me…

  • Ancel, youd be better if you wake up early and stop being late
  • Abcel, youd be better if you’ll have more confidence because i know that you can do a lot of things
  • youd be better if you talk to me more because i want to talk to you
  • youd be better if you share things with me because you are my friend and i want to know more about you
  • youd be better if you stop smoking so you can be healthy and its bad
  • youd be better if youll trust people more 

blah blah blah… they’re really sweet :”>

I’m happy. And inspired. More than i can express. <3

You don’t need someone to be happy… - Errr, WRONG!

Now seriously, have you ever met someone who’s alone and at the same time happy? If someone said they are, give them a slap in the face because he/she is lying. Or… maybe they really are. But that doesn’t mean that at some point, they didn’t have anyone. That they didn’t need anyone? At least someone. So, give them a slap in the face… And make that two please!

I’m not saying that we always have to have someone with us. What I’m just trying to point out is that we NEED someone. At some point in our life, whether we’re comfortable being alone, we WILL BE needing somebody.

No man is an Island, right?

Somebody. Somebody. Somebody.

For the people who are dependent on people, for the people who feels the need to please everyone, for the people who needs people to feel good about themselves, for the people who do everything to feel affection from the people around them… 

You don’t need everyone to be happy. Sure you’ll be needing someone for you to be happy at some point, but YOU DON’T NEED EVERYONE. So please just be yourself. Find things that make you happy. Don’t lie and don’t pretend just to get them. Just be yourself and they will follow.

Ok. Forget about sleeping a little early. I want to talk about my friend ;)

I have this friend. Call him “Mr. Life of the Party”. You can see him whenever there’s a lakad or gimik. He has his own group of friends but you can see him in every group of friends. Get it? He’s always on-the-go. You can see that he’s always preoccupied. He’s also smart. At first, you may not be able to see it because he’s not one of those nerd dudes, but the more time you spend with this person, whether in a classroom or somewhere hanging out, you can see that this person has the wits. He’s an all around guy. At least for himself tho. I mean, he can converse or connect to other people instantly with his interesting/funny personality but he’s the typical “you’re-my-friend-now-so-you-cant-really-complain-if-I-stick-this-pen-on-your-eyes” friend. He handles himself really well and he has the enough confidence to get him anywhere. When you look at him, you can see why someone would name him Mr. Life of the Party.

However, behind those loud laughs, those witty comments, those nice clothes, those (sometimes really mean, I must say) jokes, and that child-like kid bursting with energy, you can see a human being. I’m not saying that he’s not a human being to begin with, but the normal human being.

Alone. Scared. Sad.

Someone who’s also in search for real happiness. Someone who’s lost… but pushing really hard to keep on track. Most of his friends may not notice it because of the loud facade and his glittering mask, but I do. And I do hope that one day, he and I could talk and just have a conversation. A real one. After all, maybe he’s not Mr. Life of the Party, but rather, just another Mister in the party of life. Just like everyone else who’s finding the right dance move… choosing the right rhythm… looking for a dance partner. Or in a teenager’s case, partners. Friends.

…And personally, I’m not a very good dancer, but just so you know, we are all fools whether we dance or not… so might as well dance. ;)