“Did you ever regret it? Even for once?” Those uttered words made its way through my body. Snapping every vein I have, leaving me with pain. How could I lie to myself that everything’s back to normal, as if nothing happened?
Silence filled the air. Usually, silence is my music. It helps me untangle the knotted threads in my head. But this, this is a different silence. The ghost of what-could -have-beens enveloped us.
I was about to give him the answer but I realized that his eyes were no longer looking at me.
“Well, that was awkward.” He cracked a small, reluctant smile. “I’m sorry. That was….random. I guess.”
“A little bit. Why d’you ask anyway?” I picked the pebbles on the floor and started throwing them. Trying to distract myself from letting out the tears.
“It’s just… Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her. Haven’t you?” He started throwing pebbles too. Signaling that the conversation is not going to be just a small talk.
“Her? The girl? I mean, your girl? Well, of course. How can I forget to keep tabs on everyone you see?” I said jokingly. “So what about her?”
“She is amazing. And..” He stopped and you can see from his face that his mind was occupied by her.
“And I just want to thank you.” I looked at him clueless on what he’s talking about.
“I know this may sound weird but if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have met her.” his smile never left his face. It’s as if she is just in front of him.
“After that day, you know, the day we ended things between us. I’m not gonna deny it, but yes, it was a hard time for me.”
He gave me a shy look and continued. “I always go play soccer and just pour it all out on the field. Then one day, I was just there lying on the grass when this girl walked up to me giving me my ball. And before she left, her exact words were ‘If it happened, it happened for a reason’. And there. Days after that, I knew it. She is the reason.”
His words were alive. It was the opposite of flimsy. It shook my heart enough to break it. Break it a little more.
I found myself lost. Tripped by the amazing moments we once owned. Broken down by the wonderful moments that will soon lock them. Them. Not us. Him and her. Not him and me.
“Wow. That… that’s wonderful.” Wonderful? I definitely lost myself. I lost myself, I lost him. “Hey, I think you have to go. You still have classes right?”
“Oh yes. I lost track of time. But…. thank you. Really.”
He hugged me. But it was a different hug.
A hug that’s just meant for a friend.
A hug that says thank you, unlike before. Nothing more.