I once said that all I need in this world are my friends and a pack of cigs with some beer on the side… I guess once is enough.
I cried the other day because they put extra pickles on my burger when I clearly asked for additional bacon strips.
I cried just because of that.
Then I thought, on what level of sadness will I be in when I see myself in the future without the person I wanted the most and not living the life I wanted to live?
And yup. I just compared my future to bacon strips.
But really, I hate pickles.
My tumblr blog turned 4 today!
Okay, I didn’t even realize it! I got an email saying my blog turned 4 today, so happy birthday to you, tumblr blog! :)
Damn, made me miss the old tumblr-fresh days! Tumblarity, Tumblr primetime with Saab’s crew, when typography wasn’t jeje, when “tumblr famous” peeps were still cool, the birth of tumblr jargon, etc. But still, it was a good run. So, because it’s my tumblr’s birthday, I’ll post why I named him “ithinkimhuman”.
When I made this account, I didn’t know I’d take this seriously. I didn’t like the thought of posting your “thoughts” where people you know can actually read it. That’s why I stick to my blogspot account then. But when I got started with this, I’ve met cool ass people and learned some cool ass things. Tumblr is actually like a playground for interesting people. But going back to my point, why “ithinkimhuman”? Sorry to disappoint you but there’s really nothing deep about it. Hahaha! Back then, when you sign up for tumblr, there is this part where it asks you if you are human. And coming up with a name is one of my least favorite thing because I feel like once I gave something/someone a name or a pet name, it should be forever! Plus, I suck at it. Coming from a child that once had a nickname — oops, not gonna mention that. It was something I’d like to be kept hidden under my undies drawer. (But I’m pretty much sure I’ve mentioned it before on one of my posts here) So anyhow, that’s where ithinkimhuman came from. We’ve made some pretty awesome memories so can’t let go of him.
Again, happy birthday my baloo flooo plooo miyoooo kooowiii pipooo goooeeeeyy ithinkimhuman tumblr blog! Cheers to more nonsense stuffs! :)
P.S. Thank you for the cake tumblr! :)
Self, The pierces and tattoos you have on your body are there to remind you something. Look at them. Touch them. Remember how and why you got them. Fear and pain is an old friend. Now, be calm. Let's have our late Thanksgiving with these twats.
I already took a pill yet mind won’t shut up ‘bout things. Guess the little guy in my head is stronger than i thought. For fck’s sake, I need to sleep! Brain, let me please? Jeez.
That feeling again -fireworks before your eyes, the sweet breeze of the wind on your skin. Every detail, I still hold in my memory. It was that feeling that every couple in love have felt. It was that feeling that every boy and girl thirsts - the wish in every 11:11, the thought in every shooting star. It was that feeling that I carefully cherished as every second passed. The arms on my back as we lay on the comfortable bed and the fingers that traced letters on my skin, every movement lingers. It was not foreplay before sex, but rather, just a moment of care, a moment of affection. A moment where two intertwined individual’s every move says one thing - love.
I feel sad whenever I see happy people. Innocent faces makes me feel lonely.
I miss you. I hope you know that.. So much.
YOU ARE MY MEDICINE.
I was on my way to a slumber when I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Closer and closer, the voice was then accompanied with a familiar touch.
"Wake up!" I heard again. I opened my eyes and saw one of the most familiar face I know. It was a person from my childhood; it was a family member. One by one, they came to my bed. Laughing and talking and laughing some more.
It’s been 8 years since I last saw them. 8 years. How long has it been? Well, I guess it was too long. For I was surrounded by the most familiar scene, yet I felt indifferent.
"Maybe 8 years already made them strangers," I thought. It was a blur. And as the laughter grew louder and as I stare at their faces, I realized they were no strangers…
It was I - I was the stranger.
For so many years, I’ve blame the circumstances for making them leave. Not until now that I realized that they just took a vacation. It was I who left. It was I who detached myself from them - my family. I was the stranger. That child who was once a part of their everyday life was gone. Gone on a journey away from everyone. Yes, she’s gone.
Actually we are. We are alone. We’re individuals. Breath alone, wake up alone, and die alone. At the end of the day all we really have is our self. Some people, even in a crowded place, can’t help it but feel alone. Because that’s the fact - we are, and will always be, alone. However, like what I said, being alone and being lonely is different. Being alone is not a state. It’s not a feeling. It is who we all are. Be with another “alone” person, and you feel happy. We’re all alone persons dumped in this world. We’re not alone at being alone.
Because this is how i see it:
in order to fully detach yourself from another, in order to fully attain the space one longs for, one must also leave the sanctity of thyself. you see, time is represented by different souls. in a nutshell, the people we meet, wonderfully share a part of their own soul, in which we take to mold our own being. and so, with that, each human being is intertwined through these souls. we are one. we can never be ''we 'were' one''. these threads that tied us can never be diminished. however, it can be kept - hidden...
now, i therefore conclude that in order to fully forget someone for the rest of one's life, one must also forget thy own being. to forget someone is to forget your own existence.
look who’s all grown up now
i don't like talking to you, but i like hearing your voice; i don't like hearing your stories, but i like that you trust me and wanted to share those part of your life to me; i don't like it when you scold me, but i love that you care for me; i don't like how you tell me that i don't do anything, but i love how you say that i could do better; i don't like it when you make me feel like im not enough; i don't like it when you treat me like a child then expect me to act like an adult; i don't like it when i see so much hate in you; i don't like how you make me feel that i should spit out lies just so i would not disappoint you; i don't like how you act so immature when you're the one who's supposed to be the one guiding me....
whilst there are many things i don't like about you, i know for sure that one thing will never be shaken - i love you. since the day i was born and for sure, 'til my last blink.
I had a dream. Someone asked me what birthday gift would I want. I had my eyes closed and I answered her weirdly. HAHAHAHAHA. If I remember correctly, I said… ”I want something to remind me of my previous years. I want something to show me my worth, my accomplishments, my achievements.” I woke up then all these pictures and letters from my boxes were scattered on the floor. Yeap, I figured it out, in my dream, I was wishing for my friends. Ang cool ko ampota. HAHAHAHAHA.
I was then scanning my journal and I almost forgot that I wrote something, few years back, about my dream debut. Shit lang teh. Ba’t ganon, I see this sentence written in bold. Each one of my friend will give a dedication. HAAHAHAHAHA. Ang emo ampott. Pasimpleng fishing ng compliments e. Meron pa dong mag deddicate sila ng song sakin. HAHAHA. Well, I guess it’s just my way to see how much impact I make on people. Weirdo ko. Basta one thing’s for sure, I’ll make that day about myself, furthermore, not celebrate it by myself. Araw ko dapat pero hindi ako lang mag isa. Chos. Anywayyyy, I’m going back to my dorm so break muna from my time machine a.k.a. my room full of souvenirs from me pastz. Jeje.
looking at my page is depressing. it's full of depressing stuffs. rants about the suckiness of life - my life. i'd like to keep it that way even though i am feeling good the past couple days; which, i think, is because of our outing last thursday. yeap, for the nth time, i said i feel good. it's a good thing; to feel good at times. it is also good to know that we are like trucks or bonfires: we need fuels or coals/woods to keep us going. we're not one shot people.
i like the boldness that's shown in this page. it's naked.
my fire, your engine, might have died for a couple of hours, days weeks, or even months; it's okay, there are gas stations and woods to chop...
rest then carry on. keep going. we'll get there, i promise.