UssimI

That feeling again -fireworks before your eyes, the sweet breeze of the wind on your skin. Every detail, I still hold in my memory. It was that feeling that every couple in love have felt. It was that feeling that every boy and girl thirsts - the wish in every 11:11, the thought in every shooting star. It was that feeling that I carefully cherished as every second passed. The arms on my back as we lay on the comfortable bed and the fingers that traced letters on my skin, every movement lingers. It was not foreplay before sex, but rather, just a moment of care, a moment of affection. A moment where two intertwined individual’s every move says one thing - love.

9:21 am

I was on my way to a slumber when I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Closer and closer, the voice was then accompanied with a familiar touch.

“Wake up!” I heard again. I opened my eyes and saw one of the most familiar face I know. It was a person from my childhood; it was a family member. One by one, they came to my bed. Laughing and talking and laughing some more.

It’s been 8 years since I last saw them. 8 years. How long has it been? Well, I guess it was too long. For I was surrounded by the most familiar scene, yet I felt indifferent.

“Maybe 8 years already made them strangers,” I thought. It was a blur. And as the laughter grew louder and as I stare at their faces, I realized they were no strangers…

It was I - I was the stranger.

For so many years, I’ve blame the circumstances for making them leave. Not until now that I realized that they just took a vacation. It was I who left. It was I who detached myself from them - my family. I was the stranger. That child who was once a part of their everyday life was gone. Gone on a journey away from everyone. Yes, she’s gone.

Actually we are. We are alone. We’re individuals. Breath alone, wake up alone, and die alone. At the end of the day all we really have is our self. Some people, even in a crowded place, can’t help it but feel alone. Because that’s the fact - we are, and will always be, alone. However, like what I said, being alone and being lonely is different. Being alone is not a state. It’s not a feeling. It is who we all are. Be with another “alone” person, and you feel happy. We’re all alone persons dumped in this world. We’re not alone at being alone. 
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Actually we are. We are alone. We’re individuals. Breath alone, wake up alone, and die alone. At the end of the day all we really have is our self. Some people, even in a crowded place, can’t help it but feel alone. Because that’s the fact - we are, and will always be, alone. However, like what I said, being alone and being lonely is different. Being alone is not a state. It’s not a feeling. It is who we all are. Be with another “alone” person, and you feel happy. We’re all alone persons dumped in this world. We’re not alone at being alone. 

(via cantstopbelieving--kcpmjm)

Source: gbass

siomai

Because this is how i see it: 
in order to fully detach yourself from another, in order to fully attain the space one longs for, one must also leave the sanctity of thyself. you see, time is represented by different souls. in a nutshell, the people we meet, wonderfully share a part of their own soul, in which we take to mold our own being. and so, with that, each human being is intertwined through these souls. we are one. we can never be ''we 'were' one''. these threads that tied us can never be diminished. however, it can be kept - hidden...
now, i therefore conclude that in order to fully forget someone for the rest of one's life, one must also forget thy own being. to forget someone is to forget your own existence.

look who’s all grown up now

i don't like talking to you, but i like hearing your voice; i don't like hearing your stories, but i like that you trust me and wanted to share those part of your life to me; i don't like it when you scold me, but i love that you care for me; i don't like how you tell me that i don't do anything, but i love how you say that i could do better; i don't like it when you make me feel like im not enough; i don't like it when you treat me like a child then expect me to act like an adult; i don't like it when i see so much hate in you; i don't like how you make me feel that i should spit out lies just so i would not disappoint you; i don't like how you act so immature when you're the one who's supposed to be the one guiding me....
whilst there are many things i don't like about you, i know for sure that one thing will never be shaken - i love you. since the day i was born and for sure, 'til my last blink.

maroon hat

I had a dream. Someone asked me what birthday gift would I want. I had my eyes closed and I answered her weirdly. HAHAHAHAHA. If I remember correctly, I said… ”I want something to remind me of my previous years. I want something to show me my worth, my accomplishments, my achievements.” I woke up then all these pictures and letters from my boxes were scattered on the floor. Yeap, I figured it out, in my dream, I was wishing for my friends. Ang cool ko ampota. HAHAHAHAHA.

I was then scanning my journal and I almost forgot that I wrote something, few years back, about my dream debut. Shit lang teh. Ba’t ganon, I see this sentence written in bold. Each one of my friend will give a dedication. HAAHAHAHAHA. Ang emo ampott. Pasimpleng fishing ng compliments e. Meron pa dong mag deddicate sila ng song sakin. HAHAHA. Well, I guess it’s just my way to see how much impact I make on people. Weirdo ko. Basta one thing’s for sure, I’ll make that day about myself, furthermore, not celebrate it by myself. Araw ko dapat pero hindi ako lang mag isa. Chos. Anywayyyy, I’m going back to my dorm so break muna from my time machine a.k.a. my room full of souvenirs from me pastz. Jeje. 

looking at my page is depressing. it's full of depressing stuffs. rants about the suckiness of life - my life. i'd like to keep it that way even though i am feeling good the past couple days; which, i think, is because of our outing last thursday. yeap, for the nth time, i said i feel good. it's a good thing; to feel good at times. it is also good to know that we are like trucks or bonfires: we need fuels or coals/woods to keep us going. we're not one shot people.
i like the boldness that's shown in this page. it's naked.
my fire, your engine, might have died for a couple of hours, days weeks, or even months; it's okay, there are gas stations and woods to chop...
rest then carry on. keep going. we'll get there, i promise. 

Feelings are like black holes. And black holes are called black holes for a reason. Black holes are black – dark, deep and wide; holes –it’s open and just waiting for you to fall inside it. It will suck you and spit you –empty. That’s why it is important that you not fall on these feelings – these black holes. Sadness will turn to loneliness then turn to grief and then regret and then the worst part, the dead end –hatred. You’ll hate the people whom you thought wasn’t around in the time of your need. You’ll hurt your friends and your family. But did you ever took the time to ask yourself, ‘’did I ask them?’’. You’re aware that you’re lost. And my questions to you now, ‘’did you let them find you?’’, ”did you even let yourself find you?’’,

”Where are you really?’’

they say that history repeats itself. yes they may be right. but once that history, that past, faced you, you should also know that you have the power to change what would happened in the future. your past might get hold of your present and your present might trap the past but it wont and it cannot touch any part of your future.

note to self.

i’ve spent almost all my life communicating with other people, talking, speaking, writing, and yet, i still can’t master how to not offend people with my words. i’ve never done anything to someone i love with bad intentions. what reaches your ear may not be the words you would want someone to say to you, but i only have a limited vocabulary. sometimes, i dont know how to say things exactly how i feel. im sorry. but i just want you to know, it’s not what i meant by it.

again, im sorry.

my anxieties just really pulled me and the only thing i can do is to hate the world - including the people around me.

again and again, im sorry.

Tounge in ah

  • i’m finally done with my OJT.
  • i didn;t even know that i’ll be missing them.. they were just so so so nice that sometimes i feel like im in a church.
  • i learned a lot
  • my OJT didnt turned out the way i expected… but i guess i got something more
  • i’m crushing on one of the employees… and yes, he gave his number… lalala
  • i was able to make something that made me really proud. so cool.
  • one of the supervisors is my neighbor. cooler
  • i always, always look at my friends facebook profiles, tumblr and even their twitter just to see how they’re doing… if they are okay or if they have a problem… it’s cause i always want to be there for my friends
  • i guess it’s not the same for them… because if they do the same, they’ll be texting me long msgs, even before i text them
  • lalala
  • i want myself to be my friend
  • i always try to make time for my friend if they needed a friend… most of the time, i cross out distance, time and being tired as an excuse
  • i guess i just dont want them to feel friendless
  • i dont think my friends have the same notion
  • god, i’m really hating people right now
  • tangina you people. thang in eh.
  • i need new people
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